This morning I woke up startled.
I had dreamed I’d gone to enroll at a high school. The corridors of the incredibly large and complex building were bustling. The crowd was making me feel small, insecure and perplexed. I was trying hard to understand how everything worked and what I was supposed to be doing, while trying to look sociable and easy going to the outside.
Soon I found myself in the company of a couple of fellows whose plans were crystal clear: they’d choose a curriculum emphasizing mathematics and natural sciences. I decided to do the same. However, there was a nagging feeling inside me saying I was just going with the flow without making a genuinely own choice and that something else would probably be more in sync with my talents and overall purpose in the universe.
I first kept moving on with the crowd, but soon encountered a girl who was doing her own thing, rather than copying anyone else’s decisions. As I found out, she was not even considering to take mathematical or natural scientific courses because she preferred writing and music. To her it was as simple as that. Her example convinced me I should think twice about by own choice.
Next, I ran into two wise men, both of them Finnish pastors I know, and introduced to them my dilemma: “Although this is already my third time doing high school and even though I don’t even love natural sciences, would it nevertheless be a good choice to take the curriculum emphasizing sciences?”, I said. “Why don’t you consider investing some time in missionary work, instead?” the other man responded.
On that instant, I saw how much more sense that would make in my case, despite the fact that I wasn’t too bad at maths, after all, and investing in it would probably pay back in the job market. I begun to realise how ridiculous it had been to consider going to high school for a third time without even making genuinely proper course choices. As if I had been living someone else’s life…
As I came to my senses, I suddenly realised I’d been following the crowd so intensively that I’d lost my winter coat and backpack where I had my laptop, wallet and phone. Panicking, I tried to remember all the nooks in the building I’d passed, rushing through the corridors looking for my stuff. As it was becoming increasingly evident that I’d lost my belongings for good, I finally woke up.
“Thankfully that was just a dream”, I thought. But these things do happen in real life, too. Actually, I can say this out of personal experience. But that’s part of the game – life’s constant learning.
It seems my dream set the theme of the day that God has been addressing through a variety of media. For instance, the first thing I read while sipping coffee and eating yogurt with milk, fruit, honey and granola for breakfast was a devotional article by Judy Douglass published in the Becoming as Christ is formed in us magazine (2015). She writes:
“He [God] made us on purpose, for His purposes. Each of us. (–) We try to find our fit, or to fit in. We succeed a little, we fail a little. We watch our friends with envy. We take tests and assessments. Time flies. Still we seek answers: Who am I and what am I supposed to do? (–) I am sure God is not trying to hide His purposes for me or for you. But they are rarely offered on a platter or in a quick message. (–) It’s a journey. Most twenty-somethings think they know themselves pretty well, but they are just beginning. Who I am and what I am to do unfold together, evolving as I gain experience and maturity. (–) Pray specifically for God to reveal His will. You are promised in James 1:5 that if you ask for wisdom, God will give it to you generously. He will make sure you know what He wants you to do, and those opportunities will encompass the passions and strengths He gave you back at your day of creation.”
Let the journey continue.